my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
