roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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