My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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