So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
