these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
