Buhtt sex?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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