Can i not drive my cunt home
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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