It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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