It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
