remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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