You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
