I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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