She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
