How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
please come you make the beer taste better
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
