It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
