Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
