I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
