Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
