Are we in a gay sports bar?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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