I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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