i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
A+ Viking dick
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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