There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
