so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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