So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Your cock deserves a montage
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
