Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
