he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
