don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
