I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
