oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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