I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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