I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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