All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
