yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize