I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
