if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize