when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
