I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
