Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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