dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
