is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
