Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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