im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
