i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
