she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
