Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
