I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
