he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
