a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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