are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
