Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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