Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize