I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
