Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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