Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
