oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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