So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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