I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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