between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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