so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
