the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
