Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
