im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
