it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
