Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
