he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
