We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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