Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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